Day 7

Uneventful

Day 8

John Wooden says, “Make each day your masterpiece” inspirational words that often help me refocus my day.  Such was not the case today.  My day resembled a preschool art project gone bad.  It started off with my son, to his defense his love of self is genetic.  He comes from a long line of ego centric men and one very confident woman. We called his grandfather to see how he was doing after surgery.  I explained that Papa would need to hear some kind words and we needed to let him know that we loved him.  My son gets their answering machine and starts rambling on about the toys he got for Christmas, and how he was getting a cold and blah, blah, blah, me, me, me.  Then his sister starts yelling, let me talk to Papa, and then my partner comes in to see what’s going on and I try to explain and she walks out of the room in disgust.  I know she is thinking, we have been up for 40 minutes and IT has already begun.  Not only had IT begun, IT didn’t end until their sweet little heads hit their pillows.  I don’t remember having days like this before I had kids.  I don’t remember thinking on a regular basis, here we go again.  I don’t remember wanting to run screaming from the building before I had kids.  At one point I remember thinking, OK let’s try and turn this around.  I began to tease them and rough house, thinking this will get everyone laughing.  Everyone was laughing and I thought we had made it through the roughest part of the day.   My little girl asked me to “pick her up, throw her over my shoulder, and spank her bum-not too hard-“.  So, I did as requested.  She was laughing and then there was a silence and then a smell.  A smell that only a mother knows.  The smell of freshly puked milk.  That’s right, she threw up all down my back 5 minutes before salvation came knocking on my door.  Our good friend was coming to dinner and then, I foolishly thought, I had a chance of catching a break. Well, there always other days. The problem with days like this, besides the obvious, is that they catch me off guard and my resolve to eat healthier goes right out the window. All I can think is give me food and give it to me right now!!!!!! Its then I realize my love affair with food is sometimes more than that.  It is an addiction.  When I was younger I drank a lot.  I was out of control and unmanageable.  If I started to drink, I could not stop until I was a complete mess.  Something switched in my brain, literally like a light switch, and I went from sipping a cocktail to downing shots. God in His great mercy put an end to that for me.  In fact, I can have a drink and never worry about over doing.  Food however, is not the same thing.  If I am upset and begin to snack (or should I say shovel), I lose all sense of control.  Literally that switch is flipped and I drop food in my mouth as quickly as I can.  It takes over, and when reason starts to ring in my ears, I realize what I have done and then I feel like a total failure which only adds to the horror of the day.

 

Day 9

All is calm, all is bright.  Well I am happy to report we are not having a repeat of yesterday.  Because it was a horrible, no good, bad day!  I am also so very thankful that days like that are few and far between.  We checked out a new church today.  It’s an “Open and Confirming Congregation” which means they openly affirm folks like me.  What a concept, a CHURCH that openly accepts all people.  You wouldn’t think that would be unusual since it was the cornerstone of Jesus’ teaching but alas, it is quite unusual for a church that teaches about Jesus to accept folks like me.  There is a passage in the Bible that says “whosoever believes in the name of the Lord shall be saved”.  Last time I checked I counted as a whosoever. It’s interesting this debate about who is acceptable in the eyes of God and who isn’t. We are made in the image of God, man and woman each one says the bible.  And if you believe the bible to be the word of God as many of the haters do, then this should be simple.  God does not see our flesh.  God sees our hearts and each one of us are made in the image of God, which means God has male and female attributes.  Does this make sense so far?  If that be true, then how does God hate a person who loves someone of the same gender if God is both genders and God only sees our hearts?  I am not a scholar of the Word, and it seems that is a good thing, because simple minded me just believes, actually I know beyond a shadow of doubt, that God gets me and that Jesus never said a word about who I love, only how I love.  Question of the day : How do you love?  My prayer for each of you is that you love deeply, without fear and that you are loved by someone deeply.